A distant memory

Two things happened in the last couple of days that prompted me to write this one. First of all, I was chatting with my sister in India on my way to work and she was telling me about how she was preparing for the series of interviews for my younger niece's admission in to school. I kept thinking about it all day. And I was wondering why. That is so typical of life in India. Everything is so competitive. Its because demand way exceeds supply in almost everything. Life back in India seems so distant now. I seem to have forgotten those days of mine - where to get in to any graduate college or a big 4 firm, one had to go through various hurdles from a written test to group discussion/debate and series of interviews.

I immediately started thinking about Tanay and for the millionth time questioned our decision to live here. Living your formative years in India definitely has its benefits. You have to work very hard just to stay in the race. And that is ingrained in you very early on. Sure, quality of life may be better here but then do you value what you have?

I keep thinking if Tanay will be as competitive as his Indian counterparts? Or will he be able work as hard? This is not to say that people born and raised in America are not competitive or hardworking. A smaller percentage though when compared to the Indians and thats probably because of the population and resource disparity between the two countries. In this process, I have realized just how ambitious I am for him. Easily twice as ambitious as I am for myself.

The second incident that happened gave me a totally different perspective. We met up with some of our friends on the weekend and one of my friends who has a one year old wants his daughter to have good quality of life - thats all. Does not dream of her becoming an engineer or a doctor or someone doing great things.

I guess everything comes at a price and nothing is absolute. While living here may have some disadvantages, it definitely has has its advantages too. I definitely don't know what the future holds for us. As of now, I want Tanay to have the best of both countries. With the world shrinking, who knows - may be it wont matter anymore where he grows up. It will all be the same.

Last Week!

So last week definitely made BIG news!!!!

Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy and Merrill Lynch was bought out by Bank of America. The stock market dropped 500 points - the worst tumble since 9/11. All this - and I am still on Monday. Stocks went tumbling globally. It's amazing how far and reaching the ripple effects can be and we, in the States are so close to the epicenter.

The Feds were quick to calm and announced the bail out of AIG. This is by the way the mother of all bail outs in financial history.

On Thursday, we saw the biggest one day gain in the stock market in 6 years. The markets were pleased with the Feds coming in. But the speculation has not ended. Which bank is next? Goldman Sachs? Morgan Stanley? Our free checking account friendly neighbor - Wamu? I love Wamu!!!! How could that be next? And I can't believe that all this started with something as small as Mr and Mrs America buying a house that they simply could not afford.

Anyhow, I believe that we have lived and survived many a crisis and we'll get by this one too. The cost of panic is high and I am still trying to maintain perspective. I am hopeful that the dust will settle eventually.

September 30, 2007.........

With Tanay turning one in 17 days, I can't help but think about my journey with him this past year. I would say this year has been one of the hardest but most pleasurable yet. I sometimes think of my life pre-Tanay and I honestly don't know what kept me busy. My life seems so incomplete without him.


Tanay and I have been busy meeting our own milestones this past year. He learning to hold his head up, sit, crawl and now walk. As for me, I think I have seen a shift from "me" to "him". It's all about him. Everything I see, everything I do- I do for him. Life suddenly has a new meaning. I suddenly have the opportunity to love someone more than myself. I find myself with boundless energy. I can function with little or even no sleep. No matter how tired I am, I find the energy in me to feed him, to take him to the park and to play with him. I surprise myself everyday in how I know what to do to calm him when he is crying or how I know exactly what he wants when he reaches his hand out.


Sure, there are times when I miss my life pre-Tanay. I miss the independence, the sleeping in, the time to just sit and talk with Dhawal or my friends. But one smile from him and I forget everything. I can't wait to get home from work and see the excitement on his face when he sees me. He lights up my world and at least for now, I light up his.

I know I have a long way to go to become the mother I want to be and in the years to come, I look forward to Tanay and me growing up together. As someone rightly said, raising a child is the toughest thing you'll ever do but you'll have the best time doing it.

Woman President

While this is by no means a post in favor of or against Hilary and I acknowledge that in light of present circumstances may be a moot point, it still comes as a shock to me that the US has never welcomed a woman as a leader. The US, being one of the most progressive and politically correct countries, heart-in heart still harbors conservative beliefs. It shocks me when I hear - "Yes the US is not ready" in reference to a woman as a leader while a conservative country like Pakistan has had a woman leader.

Everyone agrees that women are born managers - you will see the smallest girl child playing with her doll, feeding her and managing "house". It is a natural instinct. I think where most people lack faith is on defense issues. Women are not typically perceived as battlefront warriors rather they are the nurses or caregivers in a battle. While I agree with this perception largely, I do think one of the many factors that go in to winning a battle is strategy. And formulating winning strategies has got nothing to do with being a man or woman. Another thing I hear often is that women are too emotional and that might keep them from making good, hard decisions at the right time. I believe that a woman's management style is just different from a man's. Neither is necessarily good or bad! Research shows that women influence with compassion and communication rather than authority. They are excellent communicators and think far and ahead - always strategizing on how to mitigate future problems.

I think we can no longer leave half of the human assets behind and I hope to live to see a successful woman leader in the US.

Finalllllly!!!

After much debate with myself,  I finally decided to do this!!! In my mind, the benefits of blogging outweigh the disadvantages! I (and probably my mom) will be the only person following my blog but what the heck, it will be great to read this years from now :).