September 30, 2007.........

With Tanay turning one in 17 days, I can't help but think about my journey with him this past year. I would say this year has been one of the hardest but most pleasurable yet. I sometimes think of my life pre-Tanay and I honestly don't know what kept me busy. My life seems so incomplete without him.


Tanay and I have been busy meeting our own milestones this past year. He learning to hold his head up, sit, crawl and now walk. As for me, I think I have seen a shift from "me" to "him". It's all about him. Everything I see, everything I do- I do for him. Life suddenly has a new meaning. I suddenly have the opportunity to love someone more than myself. I find myself with boundless energy. I can function with little or even no sleep. No matter how tired I am, I find the energy in me to feed him, to take him to the park and to play with him. I surprise myself everyday in how I know what to do to calm him when he is crying or how I know exactly what he wants when he reaches his hand out.


Sure, there are times when I miss my life pre-Tanay. I miss the independence, the sleeping in, the time to just sit and talk with Dhawal or my friends. But one smile from him and I forget everything. I can't wait to get home from work and see the excitement on his face when he sees me. He lights up my world and at least for now, I light up his.

I know I have a long way to go to become the mother I want to be and in the years to come, I look forward to Tanay and me growing up together. As someone rightly said, raising a child is the toughest thing you'll ever do but you'll have the best time doing it.